Quattro goes NUCLEAR for 2024



In line with the company’s 35th anniversary and its record for innovation, Quattro engineers have worked with the Managing Director to launch the first nuclear RRV, nicknamed The ‘Murphenheimer’.

After splitting his atom on a sharp corner of the top shelf in The Black Bull, MD John Murphy made some calculations on his Quabbacus which revealed that a controlled atomic detonation could safely trigger enough energy to power even the largest machine.  The theory was peer reviewed by number nut Carol Vorderman who agreed that Murphy’s hypothesis was correct. ‘His sums add up’, she said.

The rumoured project was first deemed a ‘controversial source of clean energy’ by The Sun however experts say it was under secret development after a collaboration with the theoretical physicists at the Base of Making Blockbusters (B.O.M.Bs) who have approved licensing.

Quattro is said to have worked on a number of early prototypes, including ‘Little Boy’, Fat Man’ and ‘Size Zero’, but all were abandoned due to a number of design flaws including ‘fizzle’ - a disappointing premature detonation.

The machine is designed to replicate the conditions inside the sun by generating a five-second pulse of fusion and releasing 69 megajoules of energy.  The project caught the attention of the late Stephen Hawking, whose final words were said to be ‘Throw it in a black hole’.

Sustainability king Bob ‘Big Bang’ Browning is said to have rode the project forward like a torpedo heading from the Enterprise to a Kingon starship.

MD John Murphy is nevertheless optimistic about his company developments. 

‘Forget Hydropower, Biofuels, Wind and EV, the Nuclear-powered Murphenheimer will set a new standard in clean energy.  After 35 years in this game, it’s time to push the button and blitz the market with my dazzling projectile.’

The Murphenheimer is now available to hire for faster paced customers who are after a blast.  

Call 0845 B**LS**T and hire it while it’s HOT.

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