BREAKING: Quattro Plant Announces Transition from Diesel to Donkey Power Amid Price Surge

UK rail plant giant Quattro Plant has unveiled plans to trial Irish donkeys as a cost-effective alternative to its diesel-powered fleet, following the continued surge in fuel prices.

Approval for the initiative has reportedly been granted by the Hybrid Equine Energy & Haulage Association Worldwide (H.E.E.H.A.W.), clearing the way for expanded deployment.

The new units, informally dubbed “Diesel Donkeys” (or the “Double Ds”), are already producing slightly slower yet undeniably ass-tonishing results.

“I smell opportunity,” said John Murphy, Quattro MD. “We've taken the time to mule it over. Lower cost, lower maintenance and far fewer, albeit more pungent, emissions. I believe the DDs will be outstanding in their field.”

When asked about the project name, insiders suggest it may be rolled out under the banner of “McMurphy’s Fusiliers.”

The Fusiliers will be kitted out in all-terrain PPE, including donkey jackets and reinforced wellies. Quattro drivers will be swapping their Scanias for one McMurphy Fusilier each, and all drivers will be renamed “Donkey Operators.”

Training incentives include industry-leading carrots, holidays up and down Blackpool beach, and twice-daily rolls in the hay.

The new donkey kick off commences today.  To hire your donkey call Quattro now quoting "ASS ENQUIRY"